If you have made attempts to book a singer like Jennifer Lopez, Stevie Wonder, John Legend, Patti LaBelle or Christina Aguilera at your wedding, birthday party or child’s religious gathering, you are a Bezos.
Bezoses are more likely to be rich than poor, but using Affirm at checkout has helped many less fortunate types achieve Bezosdom.
It’s hard, but not impossible, for a movie star to be a Bezos.
Mark Wahlberg, sporting a diamond encrusted Patek Phillipe sports watch that would be a joke in a Paul Thomas Anderson movie starring Mark Wahlberg, is most certainly a Bezos. So is Ben Affleck anytime he has his shirt off, and we can see the enormous phoenix he had permanently etched onto his back.
Bezoses want to believe that the time spent on Pelotons over the last year is enough to justify ordering a Speedo over Amazon. Or that with a few good years left for our knees, we could still take up skateboarding or fly off in a rocket ship and become a Butch Cassidy for the skies, with a hat (and boots) to match.
Here’s the problem: Butch Cassidy became Butch Cassidy by stealing. A Bezos compensates with a credit card.
Shortly after descending to earth, Mr. Bezos went and did a news conference where he said: “I want to thank every Amazon employee and every Amazon customer because you guys paid for all this. Seriously.”
It was a curious admission coming from a guy whose underlings are protesting their working conditions and meager delivery salaries. But what did everyone expect of a space cowboy in blue satin? He’s the world’s biggest Bezos.